DRINKING AND JAIL AND NUDITY OH MY!!

Part 1

I don't know how many times i've been asked to tell this story...but it is alot!! So I just thought it easier to write it down. So here you go with, "Adventures in the drunk tank."

Not to many years ago while i was still working in the tattoo industry, I left work late around midnight to go meet some friends at the bar for our weekly wednesday night drunk at O'learys pub in Saint John.

After a few pints of brew sitting on the patio out back with a group of friends speaking in badly acted english accents a stranger comes and sits with us. To drunk to realize where he's at we took him in and shared some laughs. Eventually out of no where this stranger stands up and call's the smallest one of our friends a faggot!! Insulted but respecting the establishment we all just stand and tell this fool that he had better go before he get's the hell beat out of him. Slowly and sluring under his breath the moron staggers off through the door. Not 10 seconds later he comes back through the door wielding a patio chair and huff's it across the table at a girl I had been seeing. Realising what he had done he immediatly turn and books it out the door.

At that point, our whole table in single file, stands and follows this idiot out the door of the bar. Once outside we stand in a restricting circle around him so he can't escape allowing the girl to get a couple good punch's in before he began to flee back to the bar. The bouncers met us at the door trying to stop everyone from getting back in. At this time my best friend in one sweet motion punchs the moron in the back of the head followed by a straight kick to the middle of his spine, sending him hurdling back into the bar.

So the idiot, the antagonizer was allowed back in the bar but us, the faithfull patrons of the establishment we left out in the cold? FUCK THAT!!! We immediatly head back around the bar and enter through the patio door.

Scanning the room looking for this idiot in a crowd of drunks, the two bouncers approach my friend and I telling us we have to leave. We responded with a very abrassive, "FUCK YOU". The bouncers not use to that type of attitude in a fairly layed back bar just turn and walk away.. LOL...Good job boys...way to take pride in your work.

Thinking we lost the Idiot Stick, we begin to head back to the patio, when a strange girl say's "aren't you going to do anything to that asshole?", pointing him out for us in the crowd. I immediatly grab her beer and throw it through the crowd. THUCK!! the bottle cracks him in the back of the head, amazingly not breaking. Instantly the guy stagers for the door, heading outside and up the street.

My friend and I take off through the back alley to try and cut them off. We do, and find him being walked down the street by another guy and a girl. Obviously his friends that weren't bothered to stick up for him in the bar...Good friends!!

Thes two try cutting us off, the Girl screaming at me, "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? HE'S SORRY LEAVE HIME ALONE!! HIT ME IF YOU WANT TO HIT SOMEONE!!."

So I told her if she wanted, I would hit her once as hard as I could, then we would call it even for there friend throwing a chair at my date. Suprisingly she backed down. Just then the other guy started getting lippy, so my friend picked up a good sized rock and threatend him with it.. And AMAZINGLY, he backed down too. During all this commotion the target, or the moron as i like to call him vanished around the corner. How stupid we thought and took off after him.

Not one block down the road we stop.. He's gone! Where the hell could he have gone? We decide that he must have gotten into a cab or ran into one of the apartment buildings. They only way we were getting an answer was to interrogate the happy couple following us. My best friend had his rock so i decided i needed a torture tool for my self. I found a nice BIG rock..and I mean big, this puppy was a 20lbs two hander.

Once the couple caught up with us we immediatly started wtih the question's. "Where is he? where did he go? where are you from? Waving our rocks around like mad men. They told us there were from out of town, staying at the Holiday Inn. MISTAKE!!..That's when we told them we were all getting in a cab and heading to the hotel so this Moron can get his beatings. That when RICKY (that's what i decided to call him, and amazingly he answered to it) started to get lippy. My friend yells at him, "Shut you mouth or im gonna smash you with this little rock and while your laying on the ground my buddy is gonna drop the big one on your face!!!" WELL!!!

The girl falls to the ground crying, just balling her eyes out, Ricky stands there petrified. My friend and i just start Laughing our ass's off realizing the situation we have gotten ourselves into.

Then we tell Ricky to take us to the moron or we will take the beating out on him. That's when the girl stands up with tears in her eyes and screams, "Don't Hurt HIM I LOVE HIM!!!!" LOL hahahaha. That shit was too funny. I drop my rock i'm laughing so hard and say, "well your in the clear now your just to pathetic to hit." That's when she starts running down the road towards the crowd at the intersection screaming , "HELP HELP"

We start walking and I tell Ricky to come with us, My friend raise's his rock to heard him along. As we get closer to the intersection we see her running from person to person asking for help. Little did she know they were all friends of mine. I scream,"Don't help that cunt!!"

Just then people all around her start to laughing, she panics and runs across the street to a passing police car. OOPPSSSS..

The police officer gets out and comes over to see what the problem is. SoI told him.. There friend hit my girl friend with a chair and i wanted to beat the shit out of him. That's when the cops say, "Just go home your drunk!"

So i said, "FINE, i'll tell you what i just got a brand new patio furniture set...I'll go home work it in on some bitchs face then you can come over and tell me what a good job i did." WRONG!! Not the right thing to say in retrospect.

Just then I hear, "GET HIM!!" when suddenly i was swarmed by 4 cops and hand cuffed. As i'm being led to the paddy wagon another friend walks around the corner oblivious to the situation and yells, "what's going on?" The cop says, "you wanna go to the drunk tank too?"

He responds, "SURE!!" So now he's cuffed and thrown in the back of another cruiser.. TSK TSK TSK...quite the situation. Who would have thought they would make such a big deal over alittle torture of a couple tourists.. Not me!

Well I will continue the other half later...An evening in the tank..

To be continued