Mr. Heroic, or Little Miss Scream Queen?

Today is a shamefull day, oh so Shamefull. So the day begins at 5:30 am after a well rested sleep. Awake, Alive and alert I felt this morning. The sun was just starting to rise over the roof top just outside my bedroom window. I decided to get up make a coffee and do alittle laundry.

After putting my Wash in the dryer I sat down to watch a little TV while I had my first coffee of the day. Relaxed and Rested I thought it time to Get ready for work. I enter into the bathroom and brush my teeth, and while brushing my teeth I look at my wild out of control side burns and make a decision that they must go. Before starting the shaving process I thought I would kill two birds with one stone and take a swig of icy cool mouth wash.

The shaver now running full speed with the beard trimmer attachment extended and a mouth full of mouth wash I quickly shave off the first wild and out of controll side burn.

And that's when it happend.............

WHAMMMM A spider drops down right over top of my head In the Mirror. I'm panic stricken and immediatly beging stumbling Backwards away from the Devil. Not knowing what to do I throw my shaver at him as I'm tumbling backwards right into the tub. BANG, THUMP. I land on my back in the cold tub, but never taking my eye of the enemy.

The Devil still dangling from his demon rope about 5 feet of the ground right in the middle of the little room and between me and my exit. Almost paralized with fear I realize i have to make a quick decision if i'm to escape this horrible situation alive. So I slink over the side of the tub like a snake and crawl across the floor on my stomach right out the bathroom door

ESCAPED, I get up and run to the kitchen to spit out the Now burning mouth was into the sink. My heart is racing 100 miles an hour (proby trying to get away from the devil and his demon rope) I think to myself, "I can't leave the house with one side burn shaved? can I?". No of course I can't. I grab a news paper and very carefully and pathetically baby step my way back towards the washroom door.

I peer around the corner with the news paper cocked ready for action. But there's nothing. My eyes slowly raise up to see El Diablo back on the ceiling waiting, waiting for me to come back in so he can jump in for the kill. I take a big breath and use all my courage to jump up and hit him with the news paper. WACK!! he falls down still attached to his demon rope, wiggling enough for me to know he's still alive. I never should have expected the devil to die that quickly. So I take another brave, forcefull swing at him like a pinata and SMACK he goes flying...........But where? where did he land? is he dead? or worse.............. is he on me some where?

Just wanting out of my house right now i lean in the bathroom grab the shaver and quickly shave the other side burn off. Dropping the shaver I run to my room grab my bag, heart still beating like a race horse (or a coward) I make my way out the door.

I can still picture him, screaming as he jumps in for the attack. Alll eight legs extended exposing his venemous fangs as I hear his death squeal....Or maybe his friends were up in the corner watching as he say's, "hey guys, I can smell the fear on this sissy dick...Watch as I make him cower before me."

Well to you spider I say, HA HA HA...Very funny. You win..if that's what you want to hear then fine. I'll repeat myself...YOU WIN.

I think i'm going to go tuck my dick between my legs now and cry until about lunch hour.

SNIFF